I just received word that a blog entry I submitted to an anthology of sexual abuse survivors is going to be published. My piece was chosen from a pool of over 600 pieces, and I think that’s pretty cool.
Here’s an excerpt from my favorite part of the essay:
While I can only speak for myself, I will go out on a limb and say that many of us keep our best selves hidden. The quirks and qualities that make us so brilliant and fun to be around are the things we are terrified to show the world. If someone mocks us for those quirks and qualities, they’ve found our hidden heart and stuck a knife in it.
The way I became free – free from the abuse, free from the fear, free from the inability to find the proverbial cliff and jump off without hesitation – was to make a conscious decision to put my hidden heart on display. Want to see it? Here it is:
My name is Carlene and I am totally uncool. I have big feet, size 11, and my toes are long, which grosses me out. My right boob is bigger than my left, and I wear push-up bras so no one can tell. I think I am technically 5’11 and a HALF but I lie and tell people I’m 6’ tall because that half inch is just more interesting. I had braces for two years and my left front tooth still sticks out farther than my right. When I laugh, I actually “guffaw” just like Goofy. I have scars up and down my arms from cutting myself as a teenager, and I am embarrassed when people stare at them. I hate when there is a “w” pronounced in food – “Fewd.” I secretly wish I could stop playing guitar while performing because I’m not very good at it, and also so I could have long fingernails again. I had acne F.O.R.E.V.E.R. and I still get zits at 26 years old. I went through high school believing everyone hated me…then I got Facebook and got real. I love to listen to my own songs but don’t want anyone to know, so I hit the “Next” button on my iTunes so the play count stays low. I believe in the Universe the way that some people believe in Jesus. I secretly love the Twilight series and Nora Roberts novels. I would put a Darwin fish on the back of my car, but don’t want my car keyed.
There you are. There’s my hidden heart. Stab away, I’m not ashamed, because even with my secrets out I am still an unrelenting optimist, and it’s still a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
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2 Responses to “Published!”
How in the world did I *not* know this blog existed? Never mind; I’ve found you now. You’re a good writer, dearie.
Jo Lynne, you made my day