For those who just want to know whether I made it without having to read, the answer is no, I am not going to be your next American Idol, and neither is Ian. For the people who want to know the story behind the outcome, keep reading.
The audition day was the easiest I’ve been to. The Crazies weren’t willing to stand in the rain for hours in costumes, so the other contestants were fun to talk to and the day was only 7 hours versus last time’s 16 hours.
The only Crazie I saw get a ticket was a kid wearing Tinkerbell wings, so keep an eye out for him and a man in full firefighter regalia.
Ian and I were well-liked by everyone. Well-liked to the point that the two producers auditioning us started talking to us, having a merry conversation about our engagement and impending wedding while the other two hopeful contestants next to us sweated bullets.
In fact, I truly believe that if Ian and I had been terrible, they would have put us right through for the sake of good television.
We, however, were not terrible, and did not make it through. On my end, I knew my mistake the moment I made it – I switched songs last-minute, and unlike the other two years when you had TEN SECONDS FLAT to sing, this year it had poured all day, turnout was light (for Idol, at least), and they were giving people tons of time.
The new song I had chosen was very strong in the chorus, and weak in the verse. I had them very interested through the first part, and when I realized they wanted me to keep singing past the normal ten second mark, I had to continue on with the song….I saw the moment I lost the male judge (who had been very intently watching me) and mentally kicked myself.
As surprising as it seems, I feel relieved I didn’t make it through. I hadn’t realized it, but the reason I was hoping to get through so badly was to not have to deal with my real life anymore – that’s not a good reason to do anything, no matter how exciting it may seem.
I haven’t realized just how low I’ve been feeling due to certain clients, impending bills, impossible-to-please customers, and the nagging feeling that I want to do something more with my life than what I’m doing now.
That more is this – I have something to say, and want a platform to say it from. I want to be an example to the 1 out of 4 kids who is abused in some way, and tell them that abuse does NOT define you, and that you can do and be anything you want, without ever being ashamed of what you’ve lived through.
I thought American Idol might be that platform I need, but Ian brought up a good point by saying that having my life dictated by FOX (and if you read the release forms you sign, dictated is the right word) is not going to give me that opportunity.
In the long run I am sad that it’s not going to be as easy as I was hoping, but I’m also glad to realize that I was viewing American Idol as the easy way out. I’ve learned that shortcuts come back to bite you in the ass WITHOUT FAIL, so I guess it’s time to get that machete and start hacking away again til I get where I’m trying to go.
Next on the agenda: I think it’s time to start that Muse cover band.
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One Response to “Your results are in…”
Sorry you didn’t make it through:( But you have a great attitude and it sounds like there is definitely bigger things in store for you. I commend you on your desires to help people get through abuse. Most of the women in my family were abused by a man in our clan (I’ll leave out the details of who). I was lucky enough that he never had the opportunity to do to me what he did to others. I actually wrote a blog post about him called “Why we Remember” and I’ve written a novel called “Healing Night” that is about a woman trying to live her life and heal after enduring sexual abuse as a child.
The Muse cover band sounds good. I love the lyrics in that one song “I’m not breaking down, I’m breaking out.” (My husband’s band covers that song and I must admit it’s the only Muse song I’ve heard…but love it!)